


Don't Hold Back

by puddinghead



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, M/M, emotional turmoil??? poor kenma, there are literally two swear words in this so be warned i guess?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-27
Updated: 2015-07-27
Packaged: 2018-04-11 14:21:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4438802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/puddinghead/pseuds/puddinghead
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I'm not going to force you to tell me -- God, you know I wouldn't do that -- but you're hiding something from me.  Please, please, don't lie to me about it."</p><p>Secrets aren't kept between Kuroo and Kenma. So what can't Kenma tell him all of the sudden?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Hold Back

**Author's Note:**

> Kuroken was the ship I fell hard and fast for when I entered this fandom. Maybe it's the cat thing, maybe it's the fact that I am LITERALLY Kozume Kenma, maybe it's the canonical constant sleazy grin that Kuroo wears when he looks at his socially inept friend, but it's gotten me good.
> 
> I figure that Kenma's feelings for Kuroo don't sit too well with him once he figures them out, since he's never been good at dealing with his own emotions. I wanted to write the climax of his struggle.

"Kenma," Kuroo urged, a harsh faultiness in his voice that wasn't normally there, "I'm not going to force you to tell me -- God, you know I wouldn't do that -- but you're hiding something from me. Please," he pleaded, and when his hands tightened around his friend's, Kenma could feel a deadening surge of guilt sink into his skin. " _Please_ , don't lie to me about it."

Kenma still didn't make eye contact; he couldn't. The thought of seeing the concern in Kuroo's eyes was enough to make his stomach knot. He felt so stupid. Why had he made such a big deal out of this? What if he'd just been honest from the beginning and bypassed causing so much pain to the person who was closest to him? He owed Kuroo so much; certainly, he owed him _this_. If Kuroo didn't want anything to do with him afterward, then that was his decision and Kenma would just have to deal with it.

"Kuro," he uttered; his voice cracked and he hated himself for it, but Kuroo didn't make a sound. Kenma could feel his eyes on him, watching, waiting, needing an explanation.

Hurting.

"Kuro, I want to tell you. I really, _really_ do. It's just… It's hard, and I don't know how." He looked up timidly through stray locks of hair as the words forced themselves out, and Kuroo's eyes widened as their gazes met. Kuroo's expression softened and he gave Kenma's hand a heartening squeeze.

"That's fine!" he reassured, relief audible in his voice. "I'm just worried about you, you know? If you can't tell me exactly what it is, that's okay--"

"No, it's _not_ okay!"

Kuroo's relieved smile faded fast at the volume of Kenma's exclamation. For the first time in his life, Kuroo didn't know what his friend was thinking, because there was emotion written all over his face. His brows were tightly knitted together, pinching his features into pain and confusion and anger, none of which should be there at all. His amber eyes were glossy, his jaw clenched hard as his lips parted and crushed themselves back together, searching for the right words. Then, in the smallest, firmest voice:

"I like you."

Kuroo was so silent that Kenma wondered if he'd even heard him.

"… I'm sorry," he went on, his voice wilting into nothing more than a soft murmur, "for letting myself feel this way. I know it's stupid and _I'm_ stupid, and I know that you might not want to be friends anymore… And I'm…" He bit his lip hard. "… I understand. You could probably never feel that way about someone like me, I mean-- even if you, you know… _Liked_ guys," he added quickly, eyes darting down to the floor, "I know you could never like me that way. You probably like one of those girls in your class who gives you letters and chocolates and stuff, which… It's only natural. And I should have tried to stop thinking about it, but I just… I couldn't." His voice caught in his throat, and a few tears threatened to pool at the corners of his eyes . "Kuro, I'm sor--"

"Stop. Stop!" Kenma jumped at Kuroo's tone, his head snapping back up to look at him. Kuroo had, much to his surprise, not a look of disgust, but of frenzied disbelief scrawled across his features. "I… Holy shit, Kenma," he said loudly, furrowing his brow, and Kenma stared wide-eyed, not knowing what to expect. "I… God, okay, _first_ of all," Kuroo continued, dropping Kenma's hand to motion wildly with his own, "I _do_ like guys. I _love_ guys, guys are great and girls are great, too! I'm _bisexual_ , Kenma.  I just never told you, I guess, because…? Not because I didn't _want_ to, but more like I didn't really think about it, you know? But yeah, I'm all for guys. _Second_ of all, oh my God, Kenma, do you… Jesus, do you know how many times I've thought about kissing you?"

That hit Kenma like a freight train. Boiling blood began rushing to his face before his mind had even fully processed the onslaught of words. Whatever he'd been expecting, it sure wasn't that. Kuroo was obviously just as embarrassed as he was, because his face now matched his jersey.

"I mean, jeez," he said, flustered and groping desperately at the air, "we're always touching and laying on each other and shit, I just-- I'd look at you and think how _easy_ it would be to just reach over, and… And…" His words slowed as he found Kenma's gaze again, and, inhaling audibly, he leaned forward. His lips hovered over Kenma's for a moment, shuddering breaths waiting to be pushed away, but nothing happened. So, he closed the air between them with a touch as light as his frantic body could manage. He stayed there, hardly daring to breathe, for several short seconds before pulling away and looking into Kenma's eyes. For a moment, he was inexplicably afraid that he'd somehow hurt him.

Kenma looked like he wasn't breathing. Inside, however, his heart was beating faster than it ever had before -- faster than when he started up a brand new video game, faster than when he stepped onto the court for a tournament match, faster than when he'd first realized that he had romantic feelings for his best friend. He would swear that it must be shaking his entire body, as each bassy thump made his skin itch. He looked at the ground, then back up at a slightly panic-stricken Kuroo, before leaning in once more with closed eyes and flushed cheeks. Kuroo jolted into the second kiss, releasing a relieved sigh into Kenma's mouth while he wrapped firm hands around his waist. This time, when he pulled back, a bright, toothy grin was smeared across his face.

"Hey, Kenma," he offered, the grin still plastered on, "wanna be my boyfriend?"

Kenma looked down to hide the curl of his own lips, then let his head fall forward onto Kuroo's chest.

"Sure."

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I'm stepping back into fic-writing after being away for a good while, so feedback is very much appreciated!


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